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Entries for September, 2006

September 2nd, 2006

rabbit prison break: conclusion

The felon has been re-apprehended. By my cousin's dad. Because bunnies? Are apparently smarter than me. I tried to out-manouver her, when I should have been trying to outwit her.

My cell phone, which had been bust, is back online. Or actually, replaced by a big honking brick of a phone I found for reasonable cheap online. I called the hospital to let my aunt know I am no longer mostly incomunicado. She put my cousin on the phone.

him: I heard the bunny story. The part where she outwitted you for two days?
me: Me and my ego have decided we will not speak of it.

rurounibug ; 03:23 PM|fine, ignore me

September 6th, 2006

otaknya otaku

OMG, why can't I stop watching Ouran Host Club?! -____- It's like . . . crack. It's almost as crack as gravitation.

"Commoner coffee" . . . . You don't know whether to LOL or headesk.

rurounibug ; 05:27 PM|1 replies

September 7th, 2006

upkeep post

The tagboard is disabled for now because I was getting spammed. If I banned anyone's IP by accident when I was banning the spammer IPs (and I don't think I did, but just in case) tell me and I'll try to figure out how to unban you. Again, I'm pretty sure I didn't do this, nor do I know if the ban effects anything other than the tagboard, but just in case.

Also, I notice my friends-of list is twice as long as my friends list. I don't pay a lot of attention to the friends-ing function of this blog--I use the text links I put up on my layout to visit people, rather than reading my flist. Seeing other people's entries on my layout and all mixed in with other's posts feels weird.

So if you've friended me and I haven't noticed, and want to be friended back, drop me a line. I don't flock posts, so the only thing me friending anyone will do is make you show on my flist, which I read about as often as my foflist.

But if you want to be friended back anyway, drop a line.

rurounibug ; 03:16 PM|1 replies

September 11th, 2006

it's like "whoah", but I'm not sure that its, y'know, anything

I don't think I've ever mentioned this, but I seem to have anxiety/panic attcks. At least thats what I think--hope--they are.

The first time I had one, it felt like my heart 'fluttered', and as I was thinking 'thats odd', it happened again, and then again, and I ended up huddled on the floor by the phone, trying to call home, going "pick up the phone, pick up the phone, pickupthephonepickup--"
(ETA: Post high-stress event, not out of the blue. Just fyi. If it was hitting out of the blue, I'd have 911-ed.)

Yes, I am pathetic. You knew that, right?

If it was confined to panic-attack situations, I'd be ok. I'm reasonable enough--I like to think-- that I'd be able to be able to say to myself, "Self, it's a panic attack. Turn on the tee-vee, and hide under a blanket and in a while, you'll be fine." But the thing it, the weird heart things aren't confined to anxiety attacks. I can be sitting at the comp, just surfing around and BA-BUMP.

They don't come in strings like the first attack, but even before that I'd noticed that now and then my heart would skip, or flutter, or sound loud, for just a beat or two. Not often. Only now and then, and I didn't think much of it until the panic incident.

Anyway, the last couple of days I've been hyper aware of any and all chest sensations. And all day today I've been jumpy and shaky and paranoid with fast, and occasionally racing heart beat. I think I had some minor chest pain, but it could be muscular, since I can't seem to fucking relax. Probably, it's just anxiety, and tension, but I don't know.

Usually, I bother my aunt about my issues: "Can I hang out here while I wallow in depression?"; "Do you know a dentist?"; "I feel weird"; "Can I get a ride to my appointment?" etc. But I can't now, because she's got her hands more than full enough with worrying about and looking after my post-major-surgery cousin.

I called my mom--I know, proud moment there--and rambled for a while. Were I in Jakarta, I could just call them and say, "You got a car, right? Please take me to the doc."

In the states everything is complicated, with insurance hassles (I don't know if they'd cover a 'this may be something but is probably nothing' visit, as its a standard student sickness and injury and no routine check visits plan.), preffered care providers, possible long waits for appointments, fucked transportation . . . and, oh yeah, I gotta do it on my own.

rurounibug ; 12:14 AM|4 replies

September 23rd, 2006

Pandora

From the Music Genome Project comes Pandora Internet Radio, a site which uses the mgp's data to find songs stylistically similar to songs you already know you like.

For me, its been a little hit-or-miss--which I guess is to be expected--and their foreign music repertoire is kind of lacking--also no big surprise, but still a bit dissapointing--but its still lots of fun to play with.

rurounibug ; 02:10 PM|1 replies

September 27th, 2006

floop floop

So, my uncle's silat did not work, or at least hasn't yet, because after hiding at his place for a couple of weeks, my heart did a weird thing that felt 'squirty'--for lack of a better word. It was a stronger feeling that the usual flutter or BA-DUMP thing, and lasted foe three long beats rather than the usual gone-as-soon-as-you-notice-it.

And I made the cardiologist appointment. ^^;

It's in three weeks, which I find a kinda strange, because if someone is concerned about their heart, shouldn't they get in just kinda quickish? Or at least more quickish than the better part of a month.

I don't think this thing is coffee related, because I haven't been drinking anything caffeinated for the last couple of weeks except for post-silat tea (don't ask) which I think was mostly herbal and caffeine-free anyway. On the days I did have coffee or soda, nothing happened. This thing seems to be unrelated to caffeine intake. In fact, I can't find a pattern at all.

However, should medical science fail to find a reason this should be happening and gives me the 'some people just have it, ignore it and don't worry' line, my uncle has a dukun (shaman/witch doctor) who apparently cured his neighbor's asthma, or at least greatly improved it.

I know you guys don't want to hear about wacky organ function. Thats all for now.

Really. See? I'm going.

rurounibug ; 09:33 PM|5 replies

September 29th, 2006

and then they made me borg

I managed to get my cardio appointment bumped up to Monday. The way one does this, is one calls early in the day and says, "I've been having chest pains I'm concerned about," and 'chest pain' is, apparently, secret code for 'first cancellation goes to you'.

I'm fine now. When I'm fine, I'm totally fine. Right now, I barely believe how scared I was last night, and since logic has kicked back in, my brain is now sure that it was robably unrelated. Pulled muscle from silat, irritated by scrubbing the fridge and sink and tub the day before. Or something. Maybe some weird effect of gas. Can you have gas pain in the upper middle, left-ish chest area?

In pros, I had nothing going on but sharp-ish twingy pain, with a couple of jabs that edged into sharp. But no dizzyness, respiratory distress, sweats, chills of anything else the internet mentions and follows with "call 911".

My freak-out is in all likely-hood totally out of proportion. I feel kind of guilty and foolish for calling in 'urgent-ish' to the cardio now. Since right at this moment, I feel perfectly okay.

Either way, Monday morning I have an appointment for tests, and Monday afternoon I have another appointment to talk to the doc. (Pencilling in gets you weird-ass scheduling) so I'm gonna miss 3D class.

Also, they are going to fit me with a 24-hour Holter monitor that I have to bring back on Tuesday.

They would, of course, have to be located down in Oakland.

I've always been real comfy in my skin. It freaks me to have this distrust of my own body. Which is probably why--despite the fact that I'm not really in major pain or physical distress--its scaring the shit out of me so bad.

Freaky-freaky medical doesn't fit in with my previous understanding of how my body works. At all. I'm the one doesn't catch the cold, eats the sushi and doesn't get sick, the one the flu skips. This shit ain't me, you know?

And dude, I'm fucking 24. I'm like, a puppy. I'm way too young to have a cardiologist.

--I know I said I was done with this topic. Turns out I'm not. What can you do, huh? Them's the cookies' crumbles and all that.

rurounibug ; 05:01 PM|4 replies

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